The Mental Health of Indian American Women: How Stigma and Guilt Are Killing Us
“Mental health” and “Indian people” aren’t really two phrases that comfortably fit in the same sentence for many of us. As an Indian person living in the United States, you may have had your depression, anxiety, OCD, and/or trauma minimized by your families and friends. When you couldn’t get up and get to school- your parents probably told you that you were too lazy. When you were too anxious to attend large Diwali functions, your parents probably shamed you with the traditional “what will people think?” And when you were afraid because you experienced something that left you traumatized, you may have been told that it “wasn’t that bad” and to “stop being selfish”. Minimizing abusive, unhealthy, and damaging behaviors in the Indian community have always been common and tied to our parent’s perception of survival (blog post on that to come!); however, we know see that this mentality is slowly killing our sisters, friends, and aunties. These women are not getting the help they need— and their mental health ultimately declines in scary ways. Maybe you have been there too.
What do I mean? The answer is in the numbers. According to the Asian American Psychological Association, US born Asian American women had a HIGHER lifetime rate of suicidal thinking than that of the general US population. In addition, Asian American adults, age 18-34, had the HIGHEST rates of suicidal thoughts and attempts than any other age group and Asian American women over the age of 65 had the HIGHEST suicide rate compared to females from all other racial backgrounds.
Throughout our lifespans, U.S. born Indian women frequently feel hopeless and alone even though help is frequently just a google search and email away.
Despite all the evidence, statistics, and information the internet will through your way; therapy still feels… weird to ask for.
Why do South Asian American women not ask for help with their mental health?
Lack of education about mental health: Many of our parents are immigrants and came from scarcity mindset, which means that they focussed on survival. Food, finances, and housing were their main concerns. This manifested in a focus on education, social climbing, and an emphasis on saving every penny.
Stigma and Value of Family Privacy: Privacy equals security for many of our parents. In order to climb the social ladder and/or maintain good social standing, it is imperative to appear functional, put together, and “perfect”.
Guilt: We feel bad putting ourselves first. In many ways, our parents have sacrificed so much to create better lives for us, and to go to therapy feels as though we would be disrespecting their efforts and intentions.
Financial dependence: Many Indian families share bank accounts, health insurance policies and finances well into adulthood. I find many clients are worried about spending money on mental health services because they do not want their parents or other family members to see the charge reflected on their shared accounts, or for an insurance statement to be sent to their home.
Lack of providers who “get it”: There are few South Asian/Indian providers… and even fewer providers who are non-Indian who are culturally competent. It can be embarrassing and exhausting to try to explain the nuances of being Indian to someone outside of the culture. Add in balancing that with the energy it takes to address suicidal thinking, depression, anxiety, OCD, or trauma… and it can feel impossible.
You might be thinking… Meena, you make some good points but what can therapy ACTUALLY do for me, an Indian American woman?
Decreasing suicidal thinking by increasing your ability to cope with stressors. Whether it be through implementing techniques to support your nervous system or to help you create a better bedtime routine, therapy can help you to create systems and strategies to handle the big and little stressors that come your way. You will find that you will improve your positive outlook on life and the future: decrease hopefulness, be able to celebrate your successes, engage more fully in your daily life and take on new adventures as you wish.
Dismantling guilt and shame by helping you to understand your own personal value systems— how do cultural values and your own value system interact? We often times experience emotional distress when our value systems do not align with those of our family or cultural background.
Rewiring your thinking through a few different approaches:
EMDR is a proven strategy to effectively change your trauma responses and create more authentic and effective ways of thinking. EMDR may sound like its only for BIG traumas (car accidents, natural disasters), but I have found many of my clients have been successful with utilizing EMDR to undo childhood trauma and unhelpful learned thinking patterns.
CBT is a long time strategy to target maladaptive thinking patterns and behaviors with more positive ways to think and behave— which in turn help how you feel overall.
Ready to take the next step? Even if you still have questions, it never hurts to reach out to gain clarity on how therapy can help you.
Book a 15 minute free phone consultation with me (if you live in North Carolina or Wisconsin)! During this phone call, we can discuss your current struggles, your questions about engaging in therapy, and how my personal therapy style could work for you.
Send that email today. It could change your life.
*** The content provided within this blog post is not a substitute for therapy. It is intended for educational and entertainment purposes. If you or someone you love is experiencing a mental health emergency contact 911 or the Suicide Hotline at 988. You may also visit the nearest Emergency Room.